I am more me

"And the question is, was I more alive then than I am now? 
I happily have to disagree
I laugh more often now, I cry more often now,
I am more me"

I've been having a hard time putting into words how I feel after the year we just had in London. The chorus of this Peter, Bjorn & John song Objects of my Affection has really stood out to me when it comes on my ipod, and I think it sums it up. I knew that moving to London would be a pretty big deal, that we would face some challenges, see some new stuff and have a pretty good time, but I hadn't really anticipated how much it would change me. I kinda feel like I had been living with one eye closed and now all of a sudden it's open and I can see so much more to life than what was in my view before. I don't mean that I've seen so much of the world and how other people live, because I've hardly scratched the surface and haven't even seen anywhere third world. I just mean on a completely personal level I feel like my eyes have been opened up to a multitude of directions to follow.

I think most people know I wasn't ready to leave London, I liked my most recent job and it paid enough to live there comfortably, we were settled in and having a really good time. We were also fortunate enough to not only meet some new people to hang out with, but actually make what I would consider some really great friends that I'm really going to miss. The reasons to come home made sense though, and I really appreciate Genevieve's practicality, and desire to get on with real life. But the decision was not an easy one and I am still struggling with it. It's a strange situation when you live your whole life with one basic path in mind, and then all of a sudden one or two other paths present themselves, and they look pretty good too. There's not enough years in a life to enjoy everything out there, and that sucks.

One of my favourite parts of moving to London was all the challenges it presented, and the satisfaction of conquering them. We are far from coming home with our tails between our legs, we were actually settled in quite nicely. I think the longer we were there, the easier it would have gotten and the harder it would have been to leave, so in that sense I guess I'm glad it was only a year. London is an absolutely amazing, exciting, interesting and vibrant city and I'm so happy to have gotten to know it so well.

I stop short of saying we're lucky to have had the year we just did, as a couple people have said. The only good luck I've ever had was being born in Canada to loving parents, everything after that has been worked for. Nobody helped us get to London, nobody was there to welcome us in or show us around. Everything was done through planning, trial and error, risks and rewards, and I don't give any credit to luck. It was a lot of fucking work.

I think traveling is a lot like having kids, if you wait until you are ready you'll never do it. There's always a reason not to travel, but if you really wanted to you would make it happen. Unless someone else is paying, it's never going to be easy.

Obviously a big reason to head to Alberta is to pay for the last little bit of our trip, and get started on a down payment, but it's also to pay for the next adventure. The travel bug is definitely there and the list of places to see only grows every time you cross one off. London is full of travellers, and no matter where you've been someone has been way more places and they're happy to tell you how amazing they are. I'm just hoping I can handle working up north long enough to bank enough money to have another adventure.

As much as I'm not looking forward to the cold, and I'm not a fan of Edmonton, I'm really looking forward to a new challenge and the opportunities available. I still feel kinda jacked up from our trip and there's no way I'm ready to settle back in to the life I had in Vancouver. I'm a little uncertain if I ever will be, but I've heard that's normal and maybe that will fade. I guess a year in northern Saskatchewan will send me running home a little quicker than a year in London. That being said, it was really great to see all our friends and family, to catch up on the past year of their lives and share some stories. A big thanks to anyone who put us up over those 2 weeks.

If it's not obvious, my emotions have been all over the place the past month. Between leaving our life in London, our amazing trip through Italy, coming home to BC and soon heading up north for a very hard year of work, my head is rattled. I don't know if it'll settle again, and I'm not sure I want it to. I've never been hungrier to succeed, to try new things and to squeeze every bit of life I can out of the years I have. Right now my energy is going to shift towards work, which certainly isn't as fun as traveling, but I am still excited, and I really don't know where it will take me next. I'm far from done exploring though, hopefully Genevieve is too. That's another chorus that's been getting to me the longer we have no clear home, Edward Sharp & the Magnetic Zeros, "Home is wherever I'm with you"

We're settled into Edmonton now, Genevieve starts work at Breakfast TV tomorrow, and I fly out to Cigar Lake in Saskatchewan on Friday. It's definitely interesting to see the differences between moving to London and moving to another Canadian city. Having our work experience and qualifications mean something is a nice change. City TV basically created a job in Edmonton for Genevieve, and I was actually interviewing multiple job offers the other day. It's no London, and it's cold and snowy, but our bank accounts will appreciate the effort.

A few people have asked if we'll keep this blog going. I think the subject matter would take a serious nosedive if we did, but never say never.

-Justin